I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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