So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
