i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
