I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
