I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
