On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
