Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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