What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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