I cannot find my penis.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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