I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
