There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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