nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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