The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
