you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
