As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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