Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
