I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm both gender and math confused
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
