I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
