I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
