..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
