I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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