guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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