I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
