were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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