She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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