we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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