Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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