I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
