SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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