i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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