So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
