Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
