She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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