I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
