my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
