does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
