he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
