wakey wakey hands off snakey
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
