he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
