How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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