using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
