yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
