Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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