so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
