he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
