I puked a lego.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
How external is "for external use only"?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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