I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
