I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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