tell your sister to shave her snatch
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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