I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Boobs speak an international language.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
