One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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