Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
