no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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