Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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