If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
