i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
