i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
